New Blog

Our new blog can be found at ewton.blogspot.com

Engaged!!!!

God is amazing! He has brought be to a place where I could meet and be pursued by the love of my life! Kevin is his name, and we're getting married on November 21!!! He is so loving & patient, and is more than I ever could have wished or prayed for! God is truly all-knowing, and has been preparing each of us for each other for a very long time! I look forward to becoming Kevin's wife, and experiencing Christ in our marriage together!

Soundtrack

"Who I Am Hates Who I've Been"

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

[Pre-Chorus]
Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

[Chorus]
I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

[Pre-Chorus x2]
[Chorus]

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'cause who I've been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.


Just in case
I will leave my things packed
So I can run away
I cannot trust these voices
I don't have a line of prospects
That can give some kind of peace
There is nothing left to cling to
That can bring me sweet release
I have no fear of drowning
It's the breathing
That's taking all this work
Do you know what I mean
When I say I don't wanna be alone?
What I mean when I say
I don't wanna be alone?
Empty spaces
Shadows hit by streetlights
With warning signs and weight
Of tired conversations
In the absence of a shoulder
In the abscess of a thief
On the brink of this destruction
On the eve of bittersweet
Now all the demons look like prophets
And I'm living out
Every word they speak
Every word they speak
Do you know what I mean
When I say I don't wanna be alone?
What I mean when I say
I don't wanna be alone?
What I mean when I say
I don't wanna be alone?
Do you know what I mean
When I say I don't wanna be alone?
What I mean when I say
I don't wanna be alone?
What I mean when I say
I don't wanna be alone?
Alone, alone
I don't wanna be alone
I have no fear of drowning
It's the breathing
It's taking all this work

I am full of earth
You are heaven’s worth
I am stained with dirt, prone to depravity
You are everything that is bright and clean
The antonym of me
You are divinity
But a certain sign of grace is this
From a broken earth flowers come up
Pushing through the dirt

You are holy, holy, holy
All heaven cries “Holy, holy God”
You are holy, holy, holy
I wanna be holy like You are

You are everything that is bright and clean
And You’re covering me with Your majesty
And the truest sign of grace was this
From wounded hands redemption fell down
Liberating man

You are holy, holy, holy
All heaven cries “Holy, holy God”
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to be holy like You are

But the harder I try the more clearly can I feel
The depth of our fall and the weight of it all
And so this might could be the most impossible thing
Your grandness in me making me clean

Glory, hallelujah
Glory, glory, hallelujah
You are holy, holy, holy
All heaven cries “Holy, holy God”
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to be holy, holy God

So here I am, all of me
Finally everything
Wholly, wholly, wholly
I am wholly, wholly, wholly
I am wholly, wholly, wholly Yours

I am wholly Yours

I am full of earth and dirt and You

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

"When I Go Down"

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found

I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find an end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
Because I love you
Oh God, I love you
And life is now worth living
If only because of you
And when they say that I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again

What is failure? Why is there a tendency to fear failure, or to appear to others to have failed?

Failure: (noun) lack of success or falling short

Transformation

Last summer I was in the Barnes and Noble at South Lake Town Center when I came across a picture book about caterpillars becoming butterflies. I remember that the theme was about transformation--a topic that I find intriguing.

I would have to say that one of my favorite verses--one that has had tremendous impact on my walk with God is Romans 12:1-2:

And so, dear brothers and sisters,I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. ² Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Over the past few months different parts of this scripture has stuck out to me, "but let God", "because of all he has done for you", "changing the way you think", "transform you into a new person".

Transformation doesn't happen overnight. It takes time, and for me it has at times seemed agonizing, and at other times seems uneventful. However it is beginning to become apparent to me that God is and has been at work within me. That if I let Him, He will transform me. My thought life, though not perfect, is noticeably different.

I am so grateful that God is at work within my life, and has sustained me through so much. I pray that next time I doubt God's work in my life that I would be able to reflect back on all that He has done for me--and how I did not deserve any of it.

Below is an interesting excerpt from a website I came across:

http://www.churchplantinginternational.com/articles/Life_Transformation_Sermon.pdf

Do you believe that sharing the Gospel is urgent? If you don’t, then your mind needs to be renewed. When you look at the people in your daily life who are unbelievers – your co-workers - your relatives – how do you see them? They may be nice people, and you may even think of them as successful - yet are you able to see them in their true condition - held captive to the Devil, under the wrath of God, and headed to an eternity of unspeakable torment from which there will be no escape? Do you really believe that you have eternal life? Are you persuaded that you will never die, that you will live eternally in the presence of God? Only then will you live fearlessly for God. Or as the Proverbs say, “You will be as bold as a lion!” But if you think that this life is all there is then you will love this world and you will live to gratify your own desires. Are you a believer? And yet are you easily offended? Do you fear the rejection of others? Are you in bondage to what others think about you? Renew the mind! Think about yourself the way God thinks about you. Realize that you have the unchangeable favor and acceptance of Almighty God. This is the only true security. It does not matter what mere people say. It does not matter what they do! Nothing can harm you, because “if God is for us, who can be against us.”

Determination, Perseverance & Passion

It seems that the things in life that motivate us the most require passion. A deep unswerving passion that does not lose it's fire.

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