Resolutions & Courage

Today, I decided that I would make a New Year's Resolution. I Googled the definition for resolution: the act of determining; synonym: courage. That piqued my interest! I have been praying for courage lately, so it was a welcome surprise! Courage: mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty. So with this in mind, I decided it would be best to reflect on 2008 prior to making a 2009 resolution.

Fascinating how time flies! I remember my Dad and I talking at the dinner table one night, Larry King Live was on in the background. I think I was probably antsy for my birthday to arrive, the countdown had begun, there were about 20 days to go. "Time seems to pass faster as you get older, Kathryn. Enjoy today." Such wisdom!

This past year, I remember filling out my application for Dallas Christian College's Alternative Certification Program in Feb/March; from then on out, I was literally counting the weeks and days until I could say goodbye to my accounting job at AAFES, and hello to becoming a teacher!

Then in April I decided that I was ready to get out of apartment life, and began looking for a house. I found a foreclosure, that was in my price range (actually quite below), but would need remodeling. I was excited for the challenge, and thought that I would have plenty of free time to work on it while going to school in the summer. So I forged ahead! Counting down till I could close on the house. Then count down till my apartment lease ended...which meant that all of a sudden I felt the time crunch! I had 8 weeks to get this house move-in ready...and it was the same 8 weeks I had school 4 days a week, and did I mention that I was working 6 days a week? I really don't know how I survived!

Then next thing I knew, those 8 weeks were gone. GONE! I then realized that there were only 3 weeks until school would start....and I still didn't have a teaching job!

My prayers became desperate! I was literally CRYING out to God to rescue me from this mess! I started to set aside time for regular quiet times again...something I had not done for most of those prior 8 weeks. During these sweet times I kept stumbling upon Psalms that mentioned God's unfailing love. I cried.

I sent out an email to friends and family members, practically begging for their prayers! There is truth to Ecclesiastes 4:12 "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three is not quickly broken." I felt renewed. I made a plan to visit every Irving ISD elementary school; and was told at every school that they were fully staffed. The next day, I moped around the house, and planned a route that would take me to every Grand Prairie ISD school. But the following day, I still felt bummed out. So I started calling the GPISD schools instead. After more let downs, I humbled myself and decided to give Dallas ISD a shot. I called about 30 more schools and called it a day. Did I mention that my plan for the day was to drive around town, and that instead I ended up making phone calls? I think that was definitely one of the first wake up calls I received that my plans are no good if I don't invite God into the mix!

I got an interview the next day, and got the job! It was such a HUGE blessing! And the best part? I got to share God's faithfulness with everyone that had been praying for me!

Teaching has definitely taught me a lot about myself, and I know I've been humbled more times than I can count! I love my kids and my school, and am thankful for this blessing God had prepared in advance for me! My first thought in my classroom, was "I can't believe they hired me! Do they realize that I have never taught 3rd grade before? Are they really giving me the responsibility of educating 3rd graders? How in the world will I do this?.....The room isn't decorated....How do I make a bulletin board? How do I arrange the desks? Where does the word wall go?" and on and on and on.

The first day went well, it was a bit of a blur, but I survived, as did the kids. :) The first 8 weeks were tough, but manageable. There were discipline problems, which I began to realize were mostly due to a lack of clear identified/communicated/enforceable procedures and rules. I came to develop a loving bond with my kids. It was awesome!

Then the Dallas ISD Budget Crisis! We were told it wouldn't affect our school, we had good enrollment. But it did. And not just my school. But me. My kids lost their teacher. We had a lot of crying those last 2 days! I had that weekend to process and pray through it all at a Women's Retreat for IBC. My mourning for me, changed when I began to realize that I can't control this. I can't change it. So I began to pray for my kids. I prayed they would get an amazing teacher to get them through 3rd Grade. I prayed for healing in my heart, I wasn't ready to get new kids, though I knew I needed to get a teaching position. I emailed the prayer warriors, and asked for their prayers.

Relunctantly I revamped my resume, and got ready for a career fair. Before I left, my principal called to ask if I would like to come back, either teach Pre-K or my 3rd graders! I said YES! I was so ecstatic, it felt so unreal! I was definitely encouraged and amazed at God's amazing answer to that prayer!

Transitioning back to school was tougher for me, I had to jump back into the lesson plans, and re-set up the classroom. I think it was a lot tougher coming back, than it had been the first time around. I was more stressed out, and had a few moments where I had to hide in the bathroom and cry because of how overwhelmed I was! But it was all worth it.

Now I'm on Winter Break, and trying to figure out what my resolution should be for the year 2009....So what does all of this have to do with Resolutions and Courage?

I think that my resolution will be to Live Courageously for God, and to Rest Humbly in His Plan for Me.
I will give up my "need" for control. I am not in control; God is.
My plans fail; God is unfailing.
I will not do life alone; God designed us for relationship with Him and others.