Snot Princess

So I've been sick for the better part of 3 weeks. I've also had a lot of alone time, rest/down time, and have done some soul searching.

Most of my life I have been a suppressant kind of gal. Push those feelings down until I can deny their existence. Kathryn just isnot the feeling kind of person, she HAS to persevere, and live in survival mode, there isnot time for living in the here and now.

Not a great thing to do. I really only know how to identify 3 feelings: happy, sad, angry. And that's only because they are usually accompanied by laughter, tears, or outbursts. I can't deny those.

Well, I can't really deny being sick. I tried. I'd pretend I was sneezing from allergies (when there weren't any cats around). I'd pretend it was normal to constantly need a kleenex within arms reach, and have needed them so often my students just hand them to me.

This healing journey I'm on with God has been trying to say the least. Feelings are starting to surface, with much of the same violence and unpredictability of my fits of coughing. Only now, I am determined to face the truth, and hopefully learn how to extend grace to myself during the process. No more suppressants for me, I'm all about the expectorants now! I've discovered 3 types of expectorants: OTC medicine, laughter, and tears.

I am really tired of being sick. I am ready to let God heal me. I don't want to live the rest of my life as a snot princess! I'm ready to live in the here and now. To truly experience this journey. I don't want to just survive my life, I want to live it out loud!