Sleeping In

I would say that a major lifestyle change that I've experienced over the last 3-4 months has been a major increase in the number of naps I take, and the ease at which my body tires! I am not able to handle staying super busy anymore...it has been hard for me to be okay with this. I feel like I am being irresponsible, and not taking cared of my commitments.

But, today I had a realization. A friend was telling me how his wife is sleeping a lot more now that she is pregnant. Now, I know what you're thinking, and don't worry. I'm not pregnant. But what I was thinking about was how God knits us together in our mother's womb, and how cool it is that God put Adam to sleep to create Eve from his rib. And how surgeons today put us to sleep to operate on us. And that made me think about how healing our sleep is. Which made me think of Jehovah-rophe from Exodus 15:26, the God who heals us.

I am on a healing journey. I am learning how to take care of myself, reach out to others, live a transparent life with my friends, and how to listen and accept God's love for me as opposed to accepting the lies of self-condemnation that have plagued my heart and mind for too long.

This journey doesn't really have a final destination. At least none that I can see. But it does have a lot of hope, and drawing near to God. I like the idea that I am being healed by God in my sleep. Because when I'm awake I have a tendency to resist growth, but in my sleep I am not in control; that is not to say that when I'm awake I'm in control, I only have an illusion of being in control.

Here's a good song to listen to, I'm trying to learn to stop running away...so maybe it's time to unpack my bags....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5ilvi4E-zA

Just in case, I will leave my things packed
So I can run away

I cannot trust these voices I don't have a line of prospects that can give some kind of peace
There is nothing left to cling to that can bring me sweet release
I have no fear of drowning
It's the breathing that's taking all this work

Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"?
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"

Empty spaces with shadows hit by streetlights
Warnings signs and weight of tired conversations
In the absence of a shoulder, in the abscess of a thief
On the brink of this destruction, on the eve of bittersweet
Now all the demons look like prophets and I'm living out
Every word they speak, every word they speak

Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"?
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"

Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"?
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"
Alone, alone, I don't want to be alone

I have no fear of drowning
It's the breathing that's taking all this work